chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
