Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
