i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
