I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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