You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Couch. On fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
