He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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