I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
