Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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