took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The Olympian is in my bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
