we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
