My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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