i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
