...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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