go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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