Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
