i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
