You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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