my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
