your thong is hanging out like whoa
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
