No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
