How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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