Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
