these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
