I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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