2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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