I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
