Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
