so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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