sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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