hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
