duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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