He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
