i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
