I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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