I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize