I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
