You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
