conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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