just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
