i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
