Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
