That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
