Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
