I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
