Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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