Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
