Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
