He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
