i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
