I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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