Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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