the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
