do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
