Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
