I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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