dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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