Tell her she can't have a vagina
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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