I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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