How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
