he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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