what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
