It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
