last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
