your thong is hanging out like whoa
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
