It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
