Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
