The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
