...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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