So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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