I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
