When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
