so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
