you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
