Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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