My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do herpes really smell.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
