as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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