So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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