We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
