guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
