Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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