ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
