my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
