You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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