i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
