I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
