do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
